sometimes.

 

sometimes we wonder why we’ve gone through hurts, why we now carry scars, why life has been so hard… sometimes we do not feel adequate to have blessings bestowed upon us, & pride shuts us down…

in these moments of wonderings & not feeling adequate, I reflect… I think if I hadn’t gone through all of this pain & bear my scars for the world to see, that I wouldn’t understand grace & peace & forgiveness & love. I wouldn’t have compassion & empathy for others who walk through the same places I have been. I wouldn’t understand…

sometimes I feel bitter & hardened. but then this blinding light floods my soul & I know I’m still alive & receptive to Love. there is hope in the darkness, light at the end of the tunnel, salve for all the wounds… we can bear our scars & share life, love, & why with those around us.

sometimes we have to remember, we were made for such a time as this… we may not feel brave & hopeful. but we are! we never know how much until we have to walk deep in the valleys of life… but when we climb out & stand on top of the mountain & look at the view? we will find it was all worth it. the pain, wounds, sorrows – they will all be complete & laughter will swallow our tears…

slowly.

i have been bad at updating & making videos. =/ so much life, not enough time it seems! but in all actuality, i have just been living life slowly: learning to savor & ponder more & rush less. listening to more music, taking more walks, less tv. more writing, more art, more learning... laying in the hammock relaxing, thinking over the day & praying. i feel as if my mind & heart are being blown wide open. some days it is hard to be "wide open" because the darkness is my friend & i trudge. & some days it is so easy to be filled with joy in this state. but either way, either day, i am learning to find the beautiful, even in the ugly. especially in the ugly, dark, deep grief places of me.

i am in a place of finding joy, grace, & thanksgiving in the journey...