Sunday, December 26, 2010

filling in.

i am so thankful to have people who fill in the gaps for me...
my dad & a young man [whom recently graduated]. these two answer any tool/ contruction sort of question that i might have. i appreciate them more than i can explain. i miss my "man" talks with mark. him answering my incessant questions about EVERYTHING!
today, my pops went with me to check out dremels. it was nice to have him to talk things over with & find the best deal. [even if he had ulterior motives of borrowing my dremel. haha].

there is an amazing group of online friends who are so supportive & amazing! when they heard of my husband's death, they sent me this beautiful art journal. i sat in the post office parking lot & cried. i've never met these women, but they were there & they continue to be there.

i have this close circle of friends, who hold me up. they let me cry in my coffee, they give hugs, talk with me late at night on the phone/computer and reassure me.

without my family & friends, i would be lost. thank you, for all of your love & support.

Friday, December 24, 2010

christmas eve.

in the last few days i have seen some simple, yet deep things.
two days ago, i saw someone come home in a taxi [not the norm around here]. home for christmas. she was a young woman. she carried a backpack, a smaller bag, and a large roll along suitcase. made me think she hadn't been home in awhile.
then late this morning, the flower van delivered flowers to another house. i stood at the window & smiled. wondered what the story was there. a son or husband not able to be home for the holidays?
such simple things this week, and yet they brought such pleasure.

today, i am finding a little bit of joy. the last christmas i was happy, was 2008. when my husband was still here, and we were with our family. loud & joyous.

this christmas will be simple & quiet. little girls' laughter and remembering a man with blue eyes that glinted with mischief & love.

may we all experience that quiet love & peace of christmas.

Friday, December 17, 2010

trying too hard.

i was making a fire in the chiminea tonight & discovered something: you can try too hard to make a fire. sometimes starting a good fire, requires sitting back & watching & waiting. sometimes you just add too many sticks on top of the kindling & the tiny flame you have just gets smothered.
sometimes you need to be brave... just when you think the flame is about to flicker out, it bursts into a full fire.
i learned about patience & peace. i sat in front of that chiminea for about an hour & a half. reflecting. pondering.
sometimes we try too hard in life. sometimes we just need to cut ourselves some slack. sit back. watch. listen. just see what happens.