slowly.

i have been bad at updating & making videos. =/ so much life, not enough time it seems! but in all actuality, i have just been living life slowly: learning to savor & ponder more & rush less. listening to more music, taking more walks, less tv. more writing, more art, more learning... laying in the hammock relaxing, thinking over the day & praying. i feel as if my mind & heart are being blown wide open. some days it is hard to be "wide open" because the darkness is my friend & i trudge. & some days it is so easy to be filled with joy in this state. but either way, either day, i am learning to find the beautiful, even in the ugly. especially in the ugly, dark, deep grief places of me.

i am in a place of finding joy, grace, & thanksgiving in the journey...

deeply moved.

Ellison 18 in. Evolution Easy-Push Reel Mower with Adjustable Grass Management System- my dream lawn mower!=) [photo courtesy of homedepot.com]

yes, we start this entry with a picture of a lawn mower. makes you wonder doesn’t it???

well, I have been deeply moved by some things this past week…

#1. the neighbor’s son keeps mowing this little patch of grass by my driveway. it’s a pain for me to mow, because I have to push the mower across the driveway. a tiny patch of grass. takes smidgen of time to mow, but I fight it every time! so a few weeks ago, I notice the patch doesn’t need mowing. hmmm… strange. today, I hear a mower kick up & come close to my house. I peek out the window. he’s mowing & doesn’t stop when he gets to the “invisible” property line. I watched. it made me well up. dude doesn’t know how this little act of kindness makes me feel so amazingly blessed.

#2. I grabbed mail out of the box friday. there’s a card waiting, from a woman I have met only once & talked to briefly. she wrote this heartfelt note, so there I stood at the mail box crying. feeling so amazed & so “why me?!?”. you see, she got a bonus at work & felt led to bless us with some of it!

#3. friendships & turns in the road. I have always believed every person/friendship/situation in our life happens for a reason. no matter how small or big… people do not know how much their simple words & actions mean to me. I am in a very thankful mode right now, & it seems like everything is amazing & is blessing me. even the hard moments. when I get through every moment & look back & reflect, I learn so much. I learn to be a better person. to be more gracious, understanding & forgiving to those around me & to myself.

may this week be filled with small tid-bits that inspire & deeply move you.

fear & hope.

so many things have been swirling around in my head. do you ever have trouble shutting your brain off?? I do!

lately, I have been thinking about deep issues, really pondering my emotions & life. fear & hope. I finished painting this girl saturday night. she had been in the works for over a week… she was helping me sift through my pain. the story behind her is quite deep, almost to the point where I can only “feel” it & not explain it.

she holds fear & hope in her eyes… she’s uncertain of life & the future & you can see the fear. but she has hope in her eyes, too, & occasionally you can see flashes of it… a balance & an intertwinement.

so, in those moments when words evade me, & emotions overtake me, I have learned to use graphite & paints & papers, to communicate with myself & the world.

may the feelings of hope, rather than fear, envelope us & hold us near. ♥

bits & pieces.

last night & tonight i was able to do art. grabbing bits of paper, text, mail & some paint & doing these in about 10 minutes. learning to quickly grab & configure & paste things down without too much thought. the simplicity is so freeing.

yesterday's piece was all about grace - giving ourselves some grace & those around us. tonight's was about peace after a frustrating day.

yup. just some bits & pieces of grace & peace, my friends.

waiting.

i am in a place of waiting. waiting to see what happens with some stress in my life...
waiting is always so hard. in our society we have the mentality of rush-rush & drive thrus & NOW! waiting is uncomfortable. it pushes you. makes you reflect & ponder, maybe on things we do not wish to think about. waiting makes you agitated, listless, out of sorts. at least this is the case for me. i wish i could drive past a window that handed out easy-solutions, with a large sweet tea or a soy caramel macchiato!!!=) wouldn't that be awesome?!?!

"God whispers to us in our joy & shouts to us in our pain." [C.S. Lewis]
sometimes when things are going well we are not aware of the important things in life. but when we are in a painful place, we become aware of what matters.

envelopes & tea.

this afternoon i made a set of envelopes for my etsy shop. i love the feel of paper in my hands... paper crafting is my go-to art when i am in need of creativity in a different form [other than my norm of mixed-media, paint].

also, i entered a contest on TEAVANA's website. i created a blend of tea. i had the privilege of sharing several cups of this tea with a friend last week & i am hooked. so if you would "like"/vote for my tea blend "presumptuous" i would greatly appreciate it! i am currently in 2nd place! http://connect.teavana.com/contest/TeaBlend/Details/Presumptuous/76

have a spectacular day!

hospitality.

I do not think of myself as hospitable. I think of myself as cluttered, bohemian. [is that even a term?!?] I am a full-time mom, full-time teacher, artist, homemaker. I used to do this all with a partner, but now I do it alone. it is the adjustment of taking on all the chores vs. splitting them, of making cleaning fun because we laughed through it – hard.

a few weeks back a close friend said that I had the gift of hospitality. “are you kidding me? I think you’re confusing me with my mom,” I said. “no, no, seriously you have that gift. you always have coffee, biscotti, and an extra stool in the studio.” wow. that warmed my heart.

then just last night, two people dropped by. two of my students, who are grown up now & engaged. we shared a pot of coffee. the girl says, “I love your place. it’s so homey.” through my eyes it is a cluttered abyss of legos, shoes, paper clutter, etc. through her eyes it was homey. she genuinely felt comfortable here.

we are a family of readers which contributes to the clutter. on my coffee table you will always find my big, blue dictionary, and a few gem & mineral resource books, magazines, novels [my escape hatch]… you may also find a stack of art journals with glue sticks, scissors & magazines on the kitchen table.

I recently read something ann voskamp wrote: “homemaking is about making a home, not about making perfection. a perfect home is an authentic, creative, animated space. where Peace and Christ and Beauty are embraced. {perfect does not equate to immaculate.}”

I am learning to be myself & accept who I am. I may be a different sort of homemaker, but I’m okay with that.